So Fishstick goes to daycare, and I LOVE his daycare. I love the girls that work there, and it’s just awesome…It’s reasonably priced so I can’t complain, and I really would recommend it to friends. My sister on the other hand…got the short end of this stick apparently. Her youngest son started “pre-school” this morning along with about 3 million other kids…but apparently he is starting a school that either A) has absolutely NO money or B) Has absolutely NO idea what they’re doing…I personally think it’s probably both.
Now, before I tell you why I think this school is out of their effing mind, I just want to say that, we are in a really piss-poor economy, IN CASE YOU WERE UNAWARE. So for those of us who weren’t born with silver spoons in our mouths, or have procreated to the point of poverty, we just can’t afford to drop $1,000 green slips on SCHOOL SUPPLIES!
Yes, SCHOOL SUPPLIES. Crayons, glue, scissors…the usual. Or at least it used to be. When I bought school supplies this year for Jack, my 1st grader, I only spent a grand total of $130.00 bucks, give or take a little, and that included about 6 new outfits, new tennis shoes, new flip flops, a back pack AND a lunch box!
I am about to show you something that will shock the living daylights out of you…This is my nephews PRE-SCHOOL, school supply list. Now of course I have added in my own little quips and comments to make it funnier, but on a serious note – this thing is re-freaking-donkulous.
· Two bottles Elmer’s Glue – Because 1 Glue Won’t Do!
· 1 Pair scissors
· 1 pkg. loose leaf multi colored construction paper
· 2 pkg. white copy paper – Are they learning to FAX??
· 1 pkg. 8 washable markers
· 1 pkg. 8 Jumbo or Chubby crayons – Do I DARE make a ‘chubby crayon joke’ There’s just too many to choose from really, so I’ll pass J
· 1 pkg. 3 or 4 Play-Doh NO Rose Art – Um, excuse me? Are you trying to be fancy when you let 9 different children stick they’re booger and peanut butter covered hands into the modeling clay?
· Glue Sticks – Wait…didn’t I just buy liquid glue?! Yes, yes I did!
· Water color or finger paint
· Paint smock – Why yes Timmy, Daddy’s old Hooter’s T-shirt will make a PERFECT paint smock! Great idea.
· Bag of play sand – Wtf. Who was the half-wit who came up with the idea to bag up sand and sell it?! You know he did not come up with that game plan sober.
· Tooth brush – Because apparently as parents, we are incapable of making our children brush their teeth at home…what were WE thinking??
· Tooth brush cap to cover ONLY the bristles not entire toothbrush – So what, the rest of the toothbrush isn’t afraid of the dark?
· Kid’s Toothpaste – Again, my child has great dental hygiene and the idea of having a toothbrush in a classroom where kids are sick ALL THE TIME is a little strange to me…
· Bottle of fun foam – This sounds like something you would buy at a sex store…Don’t tell me you didn’t imagine some oily-beau-hunk on the bottle in a silky pair of shorts…jusssst sayin…
· Kleenex – Achoo.
· Band-Aids – Ouchies. And if they think they are getting ones with Buzz-Lightyear and Charlie Brown on them they are SADLY mistaken…
· Envelopes – For all those letter’s they’re going to be writing…IN DAYCARE.
· Crib sheet – Fair enough.
· 1 pkg. of cotton balls or brown paper bags – I just hope this is for crafts, because the last time I tried to take off nail polish with a brown paper sack it didn’t turn out so well
· Paper plates – Again with the frivolous killing of trees…jerks.
· Magic erase cleaners – NOT regular erasers….MAGIC ones…for walls…
· Clear contact paper – I wish I knew what this was so I could honestly come up with a witty response as to why it’s useless.
· 1 roll of colored duct tape – no silver! – Because let’s face it, only backwoods hillbillies use NORMAL colored duct tape that is $3.00 cheaper than hot pink duct tape with Hello Kitty’s face plastered on it
· Pre-cut foam shapes or craft sticks – What in the hell is a craft stick? Is that the same thing as a Popsicle stick? Here Timmy, become a diabetic and eat these three boxes of discounted popsicles instead…I’m sure it’s cheaper and with Obama-Care you’ll get free insulin…It’s all good.
· Colored feathers or pom-poms – Seriously?? Just…wow. If I see my colored feather I paid $4.00 for in some little kids hair I will flip out.
· Googlie eyes – Presumably to use my glue to stick to my paper plates and call it a monster…I hope.
· Self-stick Velcro – We all know non-stick Velcro just won’t work as well
· 1 bag of beads or buttons – Here, go pull the buttons off of all of grandpa’s pants, he doesn’t remember to button them anyways these days…
· Crepe paper – I’d rather just eat crepes…oui oui!
· 1 pkg. of AA or D batteries – What in the hell was on this list that required batteries?! Nothing? Oh ok, good just wanted to make sure that my hard earned cheddar was going to something my kid would ACTUALLY use. Gotcha. Thanks for clearing that up.
· 1 disposable camera – I better be getting AWESOME pictures…approximately 27 of them to be exact, and I want the high gloss finish.
I actually went through and did a rough total of what all of this would cost plus sales tax, and I was well over $200 because not only do they have to buy THIS now, they have to buy it AGAIN in February! So I totaled this up and then multiplied it by 2. Ridculous.
Plus, not only does my sister have to buy all of this, but she also has to pay $100.00+ a week for the actual childcare, so what I want to know is what the hell that money is paying for!!!! And the kicker is this stuff doesn’t even stay specifically with HER child…it gets thrown into the box for the ENTIRE SCHOOL to use…No no no! Jeez people come on – you should be questioning what you are paying for, don’t just give away your hard earned money!
Do NOT get me wrong, I am all about my kids’ education and if the school told me I had to go out and buy them a $300.00 laptop because it would help them reach their goals, you’d better believe that I am right there in line buying that laptop. But when it comes to buying supplies for the teachers and the school as a whole, I am MORE than happy to donate a few extra packs of markers, or even some cotton balls here and there. And I can even understand everyone chipping in a package of dry erase markers, some Kleenex, and soap because I remember having to buy that stuff for our teachers. But being REQUIRED to spend $400 dollars twice a school year and then $100 dollars a week in order to stock up the daycares art supply box, I don’t freakin’ think so Pal!
I’m just saying, I have a huge respect for our Teachers and what they do, I just can’t afford to pick up the slack for the entire school…and we shouldn’t be asked to. We purchase these things for OUR children, for THEIR educational experience…not everyone else’s.
That is all.
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