Monday, July 25, 2011

Your. Side. My. Side.

This is a blog COMPLETELY dedicated to the “your side” of things. Your side of the bed, your side of the road, your side of the table…and so on and so forth!

Your Side of the Bed.
I love cuddling with my husband in bed, and talking about our day and the days to come, and just enjoying each other’s company…but let’s face it, he has HIS side of the bed and I have MY side of the bed…and once the cuddle time is over and we are trying to actually sleep, I want MY side to remain just that…Mine. So be that as it may, when I have to get up in the middle of the night to change Fisher’s diaper and then walk back across the room to the bed, I would like my side to be exactly as I left it. But of course, it isn’t. It’s like Sean has some sensor built into him that when I get up out of bed, he breaches the boundary line and crosses onto MY side! And then it takes a Sherman tank to get him up and out of the way so I can lie back down. Would I have it any other way? Probably not…but just sayin.
Your Side of the Road.
          This is one of my FAVORITES. And I actually have pictures to document this particular infraction. This one can occur one of TWO ways. A) You have some jack-wagon driving down the road, obviously preoccupied with something, and they start slowly swerving into YOUR lane. As such, causing you to lay on your horn, shout obscenities, pray…whatever the occasion calls for. Or you have option B) Bikers. And not the hot ones on motorcycles, I am talking “cyclists.” Although they are on a bicycle…they are pretending they are on a motorcycle or in a giant van and proceed to pedal their little bicycle in the middle of your lane…also causing you to have several instances of panic & loathing of their choice of transportation. Ridiculous. So this is my message to the bikers and the distracted drivers “Stay on YOUR side of the road or stay on the SIDEWALK!!” Typically I am in a good mood when I’m driving and listening to the Glee Soundtrack…but when I see you pulling your Evil Knevil stunts, just know that I am NOT afraid to total out my vehicle to prove a point, so long as my children aren’t with me, because it has full coverage insurance and a GREAT market value. J No one wants to run you over, I promise. So flipping me the bird when I honk at you to avoid a head on crash, or pass you because I’m afraid of running you and your two wheeled contraption off in the ditch, is just rude…so don’t do it.
Your Side of the Table.
          This is another one my husband is completely guilty of. I love him to death but when I eat, I prefer to have room to move around my cup or saucer or napkin, if necessary. However, that invisible courtesy line that gets drawn at a restaurant that divides the table into two perfectly sectioned off halves tends to get crossed. A lot…especially after the salad course, just saying. Is it that hard to keep your cup and plate and utensils on your side of the table? No. Now, I understand that sometimes the hostess thinks it’s HILARIOUS to stick you at the smallest table in the house because you two are on a date and it seems “romantic” but she is mistaken. This only causes massive amounts of plate & utensil crossover. Once you’re married and you get to go out to eat alone, without little hands that reach into YOUR plate, the last thing you want is to be cramped for space when you can pig out on appetizers, entrĂ©es AND a dessert. You need ample amounts of table room people…it’s just a fact.
Your Side of the Car.
          With this one I don’t mean the “actual” side of the car that you are on because let’s face it, that changes based on mood, weather, blah blah blah. I mean the way the rules go in terms of the radio control. IF you are driving, then radio control gets passed to the person in the PASSENGER seat. If you are in the passenger seat, then you have control of the radio/song selections. There should be NO gray area…but there is. It seems like my husband and I tend to bicker more about what we should listen to on car trips more than anything…but the best part of this one is…WE LISTEN TO THE SAME MUSIC. So I think we just fight over the “control” part of it…we like to see who is the Alpha-Male of the radio. But it usually starts with a gradual volume decrease by the opposing party…just to say “I’m aware of the song on the radio, and I don’t like it. So by placing my hand on this volume control, I hereby take control of the radio.” This can go back and forth for several songs actually, volume down, volume up. Until one person takes the next step into either changing the station completely or inserting a cd or iPod in the middle of the song. Usually it’s a song the other person is singing or actually likes, and then the great ‘Radio War of 2011’ begins. I usually win…but that isn’t the point. I am just as guilty of not living by the radio rule as anyone, but if we all would abide by the common courtesy of passing the radio control to the passenger if you are driving, we wouldn’t have the “Your Side of the Road” category. J
Your Side of the Sink.
          This one can by far be the worst and most disgusting categories I am going to write about today. Your Side of the Sink. Eegads. There are mornings when I wake up, and go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face and just wake up and enjoy the day, and I LITERALLY think that a small animal has gotten into a fight with my husband’s beard trimmer. YUCK. All of the little whiskers from him shaving are just everywhere! And it is LITERALLY like glitter…it sticks to everything, and you can’t get rid of it not matter how much you clean. Over the years, I have of course learned to put all of my things in the medicine cabinet to avoid picking up a hairy toothbrush, or a perfume bottle that has dripped toothpaste, or shaving cream on it. And I wish I could say that even when we had our OWN individual sinks instead of just one shared sink, it was better, but even then his nasty man-face hair STILL crept over onto my clean, organized side of the bathroom. Ick.
This blog was actually a lot of fun to write! I’m sure there are PLENTY more ‘your sides’ that we can all relate to! So leave me some of yours in the comment sections! J

Crazy Busy is SUCH an Understatement!

This is how BUSY I have been…I wrote this blog “Sour Puss” about three weeks ago…and I am just NOW getting around to posting it…I promise you though, I am in a MUCH better mood than I was in when this particular post was written. J

Sour Puss.
So do you ever just have one of those days where it seems like EVERYONE, yourself included, is in a super bitchy mood?
Today was that day in Northwest Arkansas.
I woke up in one of those, “I can already tell today is going to require me to use my bitch ammo,” type days. So when I was showering I had already started thinking about everything that I had going on, who I could have pissed off, what they were going to say to me, what I would say back to them. Then I started thinking about people who had pissed ME off, and it just didn’t make for a pleasant shower. So I just decided to skip shaving my legs and wear jeans because I was ready to just get out of that shower that was trying to make me feel better. 
So of course I was expecting to turn on the news and see terrible things, more terrible than the normal news, and it was going to ruin my day even more, so I kept the news off and decided to check emails…and BAM! There it was in all of its glory…an email, ranting and raving at me from someone who, frankly, I’m not too fond of right now anyways. My first thought was to turn on the news instead…and then my second thought was to snap back, with some well thought out witty puns and low blows, but I knew that was a bad idea. So instead I sat, and sat, and tried to come up with something nice to say because I am pretty sure that’s how the saying goes…’If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all…’ something along those lines. Either way, I tried to respond to said email as politely and cordially as I could muster…and apparently that was an EPIC fail, because I got an even LENGTHIER, sarcastically written email several hours later. Damn it.
I feel like I should be more upset about being on bad terms with someone that I’m close with…but let’s face it. Today is NOT the day to try and convince me that I am a nice person, because honestly I feel like the world’s biggest bitch today; a crabby, sarcastic, selfish bitch. Eegads. I don’t even want to be around my own attitude today. Haha.
I have to admit though, as the day has gone on I have gotten in a slightly better mood. My kids do that for me. It could be the worst day of my life, and their little arms wrapped around my neck giving me a hug makes it all just disappear.